Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
