We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
