I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
