i came on her dog
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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