idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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