9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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