You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
