High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
