So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize