im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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