Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We are all done wearing pants today
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
