I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
