You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
