I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
