I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
