i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
