He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
