Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
