i permit you to call me
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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