Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
