OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
