yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
They took my balls.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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