people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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