were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
