I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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