just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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