so explain again why im purple
no
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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