she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
