after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
