Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
