clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
