I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I looked at my own cervix.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
