dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
