I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
