I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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