remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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