@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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