this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
