Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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