just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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