I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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