non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
How's work?
Spinning.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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