I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I need moral support for this bender
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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