I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
