so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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