she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
