yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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