if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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