Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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