Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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