my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize