Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize