it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
