Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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