Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude i'm inner monologue high
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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