Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
