I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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