forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
