I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
