Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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