My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
