i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
