Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
