He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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