So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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