I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
